I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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