its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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