You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
