i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
