she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
