i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
being pregnant is like rehab
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
