CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
