bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
