she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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