My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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