why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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