I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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