he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
