Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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