Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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