hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
