Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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