Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
two words...techno handjob
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
