I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
