thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am spending my child support on dildos
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
