Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well I just put wine in my tea
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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