I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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