that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
