HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
