You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
