I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
