Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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