shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
