Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
