I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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