FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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