i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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