singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
being pregnant is like rehab
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
