So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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