A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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