if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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