Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
