Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
