I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Pants are for mortals
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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