i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
