is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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