The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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