chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
