very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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