Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
