dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This is my life. Enjoy the view
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
