ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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