i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
