I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
