things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
