I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
