And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
