what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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