Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
