Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
